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it's been a long time ever since i've blogged.i guess life was really bad for me then.nothing was going in the right direction and no matter how hard i've tried to stay positive, it didn't work.almost sank into depression.it was THAT bad.sigh.the once cheerful and bubbly huixin was gone and she could no longer find herself.every single day i have to put on a strong front and pretend that everything's gonna be fine but when i got home, i couldn't help but just break down and cry.for many many days.it was driving me insane.

but i thanked God for placing so many wonderful people in my life.i couldn't imagine how i could carry on with life without them.to all of you (you know who you are :D) thanks for always being there for me when i needed you.thank you for listening me out and trying so hard to cheer me up.(: i really appreciate all that.(:

i was glad that i spoke to my maths tutor.(: told him everything and he was really understanding.he told me to learn to let go and stop holding on to things that are not beneficial to myself.learn to throw them away so that i'll feel less burdened.that night i just cried like nuts and he said that crying is not a sign of weakness but it's a cleansing process.yup.he also asked me to self-reflect and find the old huixin back.but most importantly, he told me to seek God and that struck me.God was always there for me right in the beginning, waiting for me to come to him but i did not.i forgot all about him.what was i thinking? if i had came to him right from the start, will things be different then? that night, i prayed hard to him and i was so glad i did.immediately i felt a lot better.God has shown me that even if the whole world has crumbled, even if the whole world turns against me, he will always be there for me and i can fully depend on him.he will never ever forsake me because he loved me so much.(: i guess God has placed all these obstacles in my life so that i will be constantly reminded that i can always turn to him and it is through all of these that i grow and mature into a better person.(:

right now i'm moving on with my life and living each day to the fullest for God.(: i've learnt to surrender everything to him and well, i felt a lot more relaxed and happier.(: hee.back then i was bogged down by all these problems and just indulging myself in sadness that i've failed to see God which is probably why i could not find my way out.it was as though i was trapped.knowing now that God is working in me makes me appreciate all the goodness in life and hmmm..in a way it has also made me a stronger person.(: even though many things will cause me lots of pain and hurt, i'm not going to live with them and allow them to swallow me up.


everyday it's you i live for...
everyday i follow after you...
everyday i walk with you my Lord...